Y is for the Younger Me.

 

                

Y is for younger me, the version of myself that loved deeply, tried hard but still had so much to learn about patience, faith, grace, forgiveness, marriage and parenting.

Had I known then what I know now, I would have parented a little differently. I would have led with more patience for my children and for the man I was building a life with.

Back then life felt louder, busier and more urgent. There were schedules to keep, bills to pay and four kids growing up faster than I realized. I thought being a good parent meant staying on top of everything, correcting, guiding and making sure they turned out right. Truthfully, most of us parent the best way we know how with the tools we have at the time. 

Years have a way of softening things. They teach that every messy moment doesn’t need fixing, that some lessons come with time, not lectures. That patience isn’t weakness, it’s love with room to breathe.

The same is true of marriage. When we’re younger, we often expect the people we love to grow at the same pace we do. Life and sometimes hardship becomes the teacher none of us expected. It humbles and reshapes us. It reminds us that people are becoming who they are meant to be.

Looking back, I don’t sit with regret, I sit with perspective. For the mistakes I made as a young parent, I have apologized and I’ve learned. I grew with my husband and children. I have apologized for my past mistakes and failures. What my husband and children do with those apologies is up to them. I can’t control, nor would I want to control whether they accept my apologies for being the inexperienced, flawed, young woman I was. As they (and I) have grown, I realize I can’t change the past, but now, knowing what my heart feels, I know I have done everything I can to support my adult children and my husband. I have loved them through their mistakes, hardships and milestones, without judgement, but honesty. I have been the kind of Grandmother I wish I had had. I make sure every one of my grandchildren knows they are special to me and loved beyond measure. I still sacrifice my time, my money and my plans to be there, should my husband, my kids & grandchildren need me. Other than my relationship with God, nothing means more to me. 

My kids have grown into successful adults, building families and careers of their own. Mike and I still walked through some tough seasons, especially surrounding his health, but we have come out stronger and somehow, in his grace, God makes up for the places where we didn’t even know we came up short. Maybe that’s part of growing older, realizing love was there all along, even when patience wasn’t perfect, and that God was working in our family even when my faith was still growing.

If I could sit across from my younger self today, I wouldn’t hand her a long list of all the things to do differently. I’d simply tell her this: slow down, be gentler in the everyday moments. Walk closely with God, not just because you need him, but because your children are learning what faith looks like by watching you.

Trust that God will meet you right in the middle of your imperfect efforts.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9