My Husband’s Storm and the God Who Calmed It.









Last year was the kind of year that shakes you to your core. The kind of year where the hospital hallways blur together, where every time your phone rings, your heart drops and where you start memorizing numbers on monitors that you never wished to understand.

From December until February, my husband spent 90% of his time in the hospital. There were moments when I truly thought he wouldn’t make it. Moments when the fear felt like a boulder sitting on my chest and it was hard to breathe. I tried to be brave, to be a source of strength for him, I forced myself to smile when I could have just as easily cried. Inside, I was scared. When someone you love is hurting, really hurting, you start living minute by minute praying for small miracles and realizing how fragile life feels when it’s someone’s life you can’t imagine living without.

We watched his health spiral in ways we never expected. Each set back felt like another piece of the rug slipping out from under our feet. I remember the exhaustion, the feeling of helplessness and the nights I’d wake up crying in my sleep. I felt guilty for being tired or feeling overwhelmed and the fierce determination to keep going anyway when it would’ve been so easy to give up. By his bedside or home in my own bed, I prayed constantly. I am so grateful for the faith God gave me and the strength I needed when I felt my tank was completely depleted.

Here we are, in December again. I’m so thankful to say, he is still here, this side of Heaven. He’s not perfect, he’s somewhat better, at least enough to be home, but not really “better”. But he is stable and that word on its own feels like a blessing. Stable to me means we get more time and after the year we have had, time feels like the most precious gift in the world.

We still have challenges, we still have days that are scarier than others. He still has infections that pop up from time to time, he’s being treated for a potential one right now and we’re keeping a close eye on it. He is still in pain 24-7, his back break healed wrong and isn’t able or stable enough to schedule surgery yet. He does see his cardiologist tomorrow and we are really hoping for the go ahead, to move forward to address his back. Between the broken back that healed wrong and the Ankylosing Spondylitis, he continues to hunch forward, not only causing him more pain, but causing his breathing to be compromised because the bottom of his lungs are compressed. The hunching is making tasks we may take for granted much more difficult for him. For example, he can’t see up into the cupboards anymore, he can’t reach very high, he can’t look people in the eye unless they sit down to his eye level. Although there will always be uncertainty from today to tomorrow, we are so grateful that we can continue to rely on God’s promises. Our faith truly makes things more bearable. We have gratitude that comes from surviving something that almost broke us.

Through all of this, I’ve realized the strength we’ve had, wasn’t ours alone. God carried us through the nights when we were too exhausted to pray and days when fear tried to swallow us whole. When we felt completely empty, he poured in just enough strength to keep us moving, sometimes a minute at a time.

God didn’t send us through this season without help. We were lifted up by friends and family who checked on us, prayed for us, brought meals or simply listened when we needed to talk. Friends, family and even strangers came together and helped us with house repairs that made our house safe for us. Strangers who have become dear friends, especially to Mike by driving him to and from Dialysis each week. He dreads dialysis but he looks forward to the company and conversations with his drivers. They have all been a blessing, not only in rides, but by lifting his spirits with their friendship. The goodness of so many people has reminded us that even in the hardest moments, God sends his people to help in our darkest hours. We are so grateful for every person he has placed in our path.

We are still here because God made a way when we couldn’t see one. 

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” Psalm 46:1

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” Isaiah 40:31



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