How is She Forty Already?

 

I was only 19 years old when I had her, still figuring out who I was, let alone how to be someone’s mother. I remember holding that tiny baby girl with the chubby cheeks and head full of hair, thinking how far away the future felt. Forty wasn’t even a number I could imagine then, yet here we are.

It doesn’t seem possible that in 5 days, my first baby will be 40 years old. In my mind, she is still the little girl whose hand fit perfectly in mine, the child whose laugh filled our home, the teenager who tested my patience and taught me more than she’ll ever know. Time moved quietly, and quickly, sneakily really, carrying us through sleepless nights, to school days, heart breaks and proud milestones.

Becoming a mom at such a young age was both terrifying and transformative. I grew up along side her. We learned together, sometimes gracefully and sometimes stumbling our way through. I think she shaped me as much as I shaped her and although I made mistakes along the way, I wouldn’t change that journey for anything.

Now I get to watch her in a role that fills my heart in an entirely different way. Seeing her as an amazing mother, loving, patient and fiercely devoted to her 3 children often makes my eyes fill with tears of pride and joy in the way she comforts them, guides them and loves them unconditionally. Sometimes I catch glimpses of the little girl she once was and now, of the woman she is today. Watching her raise her own children is one of the greatest joys of my life. It’s also amazing to see what a devoted wife she is, building a home filled with love, laughter and faith, with a man who adores her. It’s humbling to realize that the baby I once rocked to sleep is now the steady presence in her own family’s life. Shaping the next generation with strength, faith and grace.

Forty years later, I sit here putting my reflections into words. I don’t just see my daughter, my first baby anymore, I also see a wife, a mother, a woman who loves and is reverent to God. She makes me proud in ways words can hardly capture. Even on the hard days, the days when she calls in tears, exhausted, frustrated or doubting herself, I don’t see failure, I see love. I hear it in her voice, in her worry in the way she questions whether she’s doing enough or doing it right. Those moments don’t make her any less of an amazing mother, they prove exactly how deeply she loves her children. The doubts and tears  are signs of a heart fully invested in being a good wife and raising her kids well.

As I look at her life now, I’m reminded that God’s hand has been on her story from the very beginning. Even back when I was a 19 year old mom trying to figure it all out. On the days she feels strong and on the days she feels unsure, I know that God is guiding her steps, just as he always has. The love she pours into her children, the home she builds with Nick and the compassion she shows even in her doubts are all reflections of his work in her heart.

I thank God for the woman she has become, for the mother she is, and the blessing of watching my first baby grow into someone who loves so deeply. Forty years later, I see clearly what I couldn’t fully see then. God was faithful in every season, and he will continue to be in the years ahead.

Happy Birthday my beautiful Aubrey Morgan. I may have been young when I became your mom, but my love for you has never aged, it’s only grown deeper with time.

I hope you have the best birthday yet,

Love, Mom (aka Madré)