Eyes To See The Good

 

When we pray, we often have in mind the way we want those prayers to be answered and when they are answered in a way we didn’t envision, we sometimes wonder if they were answered at all. We often question why God answered in the way that he did. I believe this is our human/sinful nature because we want to control things. Maybe we sometimes think we know how things should go even better than God knows, even though we profess to have faith and trust in his plan for us. I truly try to look for the good in every situation or the benefit of a circumstance. Sometimes, especially when emotions are involved, we have a harder time seeing the lesson, answer or reason. An example of this is that when Mike got diagnosed with A.S, I questioned God, “why are you allowing him to suffer with this awful disease?” However, at that time, our marriage was on the road to ending, he was a negative and angry man. The benefit of this diagnosis is that it humbled him, he started praying more than he had in the past, read the Bible some and eventually asked God to help him become a better person. God did help him change to become a better husband and father. 

When he was diagnosed, I had one foot out the door, but I stayed out of obligation. I felt sad for him facing this terrible disease alone. Facing the unknowns of this disease and all that came with it, the hardship of him being forced to retire, the changes that were happening to him physically and mentally, we faced it all together. We grew closer to God and each other. The man I had started to truly resent, became my best friend again. I never stopped loving him, but I did eventually fall deeper in love with him. I believe God used this disease to save our marriage and his relationship with the kids. God and A.S. made Mike a better man.

I could write all day with many examples of God’s beauty and grace in the midst of tragedy. Even recently, we lost Mike’s mom. A lot of emotions and anger surrounded her death because of the manner in which she died, like my mother, she was over medicated. The deceit, lies, theft, manipulation and down right disrespect at the hands of those who claimed to be closest to her was just disgusting and heartbreaking. It was hard to find any good in that chaotic situation, but there was some good. After a twenty year separation, Mike, and his sister reconciled. I know over the years, he had missed his relationship with her, the separation started over him and her having some disagreements, but it was carried on by lies and manipulation by another family member who purposely wanted to keep the family divided as part of the scheme to benefit themselves. We miss Mike’s mom and wish things could have been different but the good in it is the reconciled relationships and the fact that she is no longer being abused in anyway, manipulated, lied to or coerced. She is no longer in any pain or reliving the pain of the past that she often did. God did answer prayer, healing and taking care of her by taking her home. 

Today I heard of a friend who was arrested on a warrant. This person has struggled with addiction for quite sometime and has had so many people praying for her. She does know God and loves God, however addiction has taken over her life. She has drastically lost weight, is not physically or mentally well. It’s sad. Those who love her and pray faithfully for her are worried and saddened that she has been arrested and will spend at least 90 days locked up. I understand their feelings, especially as a parent, aunt, sibling, child, cousin and friend. It’s natural to want to protect her from the loneliness, the withdrawal and the fear she may be facing now, but truthfully, does anyone love her more than our Heavenly Father who created her? Is this the answer to prayer? I think it very well may be. We know although she is not staying at the Ritz, she is safe. She is getting 3 meals a day. She is clothed and has a place to lay her head tonight and most importantly, she is not ingesting another drug. From what I hear, she has been trying desperately to get clean and stay clean, but addiction isn’t something an addict can turn on and off. When she was arrested on the warrant, she once again had drugs on her. Maybe God allowed this arrest because the drug she had intended to take at the time of the arrest, may have been a fatal dose. Maybe in the next 90 days or more, she will be able to get the help of a drug rehab program. Maybe she will once again cry out to God and let the physical, mental and spiritual healing begin. Maybe she will feel his presence and love.

I hope these thoughts are helpful to others. I realize that somethings we will not understand until we are actually in Heaven. God’s word tells us in Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”. 

Since the end of last year and still presently, Mike’s health has declined. At one point I thought for sure he would not be coming home, but he did. We have many appointments and decisions coming up. Some risky, but if successful, will improve his quality of life. I am not really sure why he continues to go through such poor health and suffering. I don’t really know why we both have so much to deal with, but I will continue to trust God’s plan. I will continue to look for the blessings in the hard times. So far, I have learned that there is still a lot of good in people. People who have servant’s hearts and have come through in our time of need. God has used some people we don’t even know to bless us. Again, not in the way we thought, but blessings just the same.

I hope whoever is reading this will think to look for God’s goodness in grief. Be encouraged to pray and trust that God will take care of you and will be with you throughout any storm you have to face.

“And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

This verse is a promise that God uses every event in the lives of those who love him to bring about something good, even in difficult circumstances.