I never was a fan of rollercoasters. Some people describe rollercoasters as exciting, exhilarating, and thrilling, not me, I describe them as stressful, scary and nauseating. Having a chronically ill spouse  can evoke the same kind of emotions I feel when I think about a rollercoaster ride. Although most days in the life of being a care taker to my husband, are routine. Many days feel like Ground hog day, the same thing over and over, but even though the days seem the same, the emotions are like the rollercoaster. Some days you can burst in to tears and you don’t even know why and other days you can laugh about it. I have spoken on this topic many times, but this year, just in the last 6 months, there have been so many changes. It seems like every time we get into a routine and start to get comfortable or at least neutral, like that rollercoaster, the scary twists and turns come, such as hospitalizations, bad lab results, different pain, spiking or dropping blood pressure, o...

  When we pray, we often have in mind the way we want those prayers to be answered and when they are answered in a way we didn’t envision, we sometimes wonder if they were answered at all. We often question why God answered in the way that he did. I believe this is our human/sinful nature because we want to control things. Maybe we sometimes think we know how things should go even better than God knows, even though we profess to have faith and trust in his plan for us. I truly try to look for the good in every situation or the benefit of a circumstance. Sometimes, especially when emotions are involved, we have a harder time seeing the lesson, answer or reason. An example of this is that when Mike got diagnosed with A.S, I questioned God, “why are you allowing him to suffer with this awful disease?” However, at that time, our marriage was on the road to ending, he was a negative and angry man. The benefit of this diagnosis is that it humbled him, he started praying more than he had ...

I realize I have already written a post to share our thanks and gratitude. I wrote it soon after the amazing fundraiser was held in Mike and my time of need. It’s been a couple of weeks now and I have had a little more time to reflect and really wrap my head around all of it. Life has a way of testing us when we least expect it. Recently, I’ve found myself navigating one of the most challenging chapters of my life, a time filled with uncertainty, emotional weight, and moments where even breathing feels heavy. Mike’s illnesses have been a tough thing to deal with for many years, but presently, the uncertainty and the probability of death has elevated the emotions, stress and sadness to a whole new level. I n the midst of the storm, something beautiful has happened, people have showed up. Not necessarily the ones we expected, but the ones we needed.  I want to take another moment to thank those who’ve checked in, who’ve sent a text just to say, “I’m thinking of you,” who have offered...