Is it Strength or Something Else?






You’re so strong” is a phrase many have said to me lately. I know they say it to be an encouragement to me and I truly appreciate the kindness behind the words. But the truth is, I don’t feel strong. I feel tired, and many days like, I’m just going through the motions. I’m just doing what needs to be done, because when the person you love is sick or hurting, you don’t think about your strength, you just do what needs to be done.

Some days I feel like I have it together and some days I find myself praying and crying while I’m driving by myself. Some days I cry in the shower or just stand there in a daze just letting the hot water run over me. Then I suck it up, dry my tears and go about my day. Is that strength? Maybe. Or could it just be love? Maybe it’s just commitment. Maybe it’s my faith, I truly do think any strength I have, comes from God.

Sometimes I wonder if people really think I’m strong or if it’s a kind sentiment because they don’t know what else to say. Strength isn’t always about being fearless or having it all together. I have many fears, but I try not to dwell because my fear or worry is not going to change what might happen. I certainly don’t have it all together, as much as I try, I am disorganized and my brain is always in a million different places. I don’t know if I’d call it strength, It’s just putting the one you love before yourself.

Sometimes I feel like a gas tank, running on fumes, and just sputtering, like I have nothing left to give. But somehow God keeps filling me up, just enough to take another step or two. I lean on him daily. I often pray in my thoughts “Lord, help me today, I can’t do this without you.” and he always does. I don’t feel strong, but I know I am held by a strong God.

My friends and others see the outside of me, how I smile, how I always find something to laugh about and how I just keep going. What they don’t see is the prayers and sometimes tears in the middle of the night or the physical exhaustion but the inability to sleep because my racing thoughts very rarely stop. It’s ok that others don’t see these things because it’s not about me being a hero. It’s about love, dedication, commitment and honoring my vows. It’s about faith and trust in God’s plan even though I have no idea what his plan is.

So when somebody tells me I am strong, I smile and thank them. But, in my heart I know the truth, I’m just a woman, with God’s help, doing the best I can to love and care for my husband one day at a time.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 1

Comments

  1. Michael LemieuxApril 16, 2025 at 2:12 PM

    I know it's a lot. If I could change things, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I truly appreciate all that you do. I'm trying to take some of the load off. I do what I can, when I can.
    God has seen us all throughout our lives together. Without him guiding us we'd be lost. We're handling it day by day. Thank God for all the support from family and friends. We are, despite everything, blessed. I love and thank you Honey!
    I Love you, MaL

    ReplyDelete

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