Proceed with caution


In my adult life, I have learned that forgiving someone doesn’t always mean reconciling a relationship, but in some cases, it can if it’s desired by both or all parties. I’ve done a lot of praying on this subject and I truly believe God has given me the gift of discernment when it comes to reading people and situations. 
Recently, through a death in the family, some reconciliation and growth has been happening in a previously fractured relationship. My husband and I and the other couple I speak of have come together with the common goal of doing right by the deceased and doing what we could to honor her wishes because those who were supposedly responsible for the plans and last wishes being fulfilled, dropped the ball, made the plans about themselves and ignored the last wishes of the deceased.
The relationship I speak of was nonexistent for twenty or more years. All parties involved, including myself and my husband, played a role in the damage. Most of what happened to ruin the relationship was miscommunications, lies told by others, anger and immaturity from us all. Nobody involved is without blame. However, acknowledging our own wrong doings rather than pointing the finger has made me realize that it is true that we have all made mistakes and if we truly want to rebuild, forgiveness will come. Learning from the past while using wisdom and discipline to focus on the present will foster personal growth, resilience and a positive mind set. Eventually trust will be rebuilt as well. Letting go of the past is easy when we are all in agreement, but rebuilding trust will take time because of the scars left behind. I do believe that it can be done. It says in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God has forgiven you.”
By not having a relationship for so many years, we have all missed out on each other’s family. We have missed out on their children’s milestones and life events as they missed out on ours. I do believe everything happens for a reason and I won’t mourn or dwell on all that was missed or lost, but look forward to the blessings that lie ahead if we continue to foster a relationship going forward. If we don’t let the past interfere with the present or future, I believe something good and beautiful can emerge, especially if I continue to cover it in prayer. None of us four are the same people we were 20 years go, I know my husband and I with age and life experience have matured and grown and I’d be willing to bet the same has happened with the other couple.
If we treat each other the way we want to be treated, being respectful and being consistent with healthy communication will prevent misunderstandings that lead to conflict. Not listening to people who are outside the relationship and going right to the person or people in the relationship for clarity will also prevent any unnecessary anger or confusion. All four of us have come to realize there is a common denominator in the chaos of the past and the present. Not saying this common denominator is all to blame, we all take responsibility in our roles, but this person continues to bring drama, lies and chaos to the table and none of us have the desire for that in our lives or relationship.
Truth is, we may never be best friends but if we are gracious enough to see the gray, not just black or white, we can see through a more generous lens, we can learn to appreciate the positive qualities in each other and enjoy each other’s love and support.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11


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