I’m as Light as a feather…

 I was thinking about how limited my memory is when it comes to my childhood. I remember a lot of things, but there is a lot I don’t remember. My sister Mary Jane seems to have the memory of an elephant, she seems to remember everyone we went to school with, every relative visit, and every big event in the news, I swear she remembers things from infancy. I think our human nature is to remember a lot of the negative things in life but I love to think back on the positive things and how and if those experiences play a role in my adult life. I know many people who came from abusive and dysfunctional homes, often blame their parents for their life choices. I am sure my parent’s influence has contributed to some of my choices, opinions, marriage, and child rearing. For example, in raising my children, I was determined to do the complete opposite of how my parents raised me, at least in the area of discipline. Although as much as I tried, I didn’t escape it all and I made my own share of mistakes. I don’t blame my parents for those mistakes that I made though, because although I was young, I was still an adult and am responsible for my own actions. Besides, maybe they made their mistakes because of their own up bringing. I wish I knew then what I know now because I am a much better Grandmother than I was as a mom. I do think I was a good mom, love was never lacking, as then and now, I would lay down my life for my kids. I know that I did better than my parents did, but I am sure some of my decisions have scarred my children and that hurts because I can’t make those scars fade no matter how sorry I am. I just hope now that my children are grown and some have children of their own, they can extend forgiveness and grace because even if they didn’t have it as hard as my siblings and I did, whatever affected them by my decisions, actions or words was still real to them. That being said, I’d like to reflect on some of the good memories of my childhood and how it has carried over into my adulthood. I hope the good memories from my kid’s childhood out weighs the negative. 

I think with the passing of my uncle Lenny last week, it got me thinking of the many good memories I had with him and my Aunt Pauline, which led me to the memories with my cousin Laurie (their daughter). Laurie is about 9 years older than me and she acted like an older sister to my sister Mary Jane and me. All my memories with Laurie are good ones, right up until now. She taught me how to swim and to dive. I still love both. Quite a few times, she did what we called a séance saying “I’m as light as a feather” while one of us laid still on the floor and the others would put 2 fingers from each hand under the person laying on the floor and while chanting “I’m as light as a feather” they would try to pick the person up. I would always start giggling and they’d drop me every time. My mother would have killed us if she knew we were doing this, she would have believed it to be satanic and would have said Laurie was possessed or something, haha! Laurie also introduced us to scary movies. Thinking back, no wonder I loved being with her, she allowed us to do the stuff my mother would have never allowed. The séance stuff didn’t carry over to my adult life, but the psychological thrillers did. Ever since we “slept” out in the pool area of her back yard, and Laurie told us Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Tell Tale Heart”, it has been my favorite. Of course with her sound effects of the floor boards creaking and the “Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom”, I didn’t last all night outside, I was scared shitless. I was around 8 years old then. Through my years of school as a student and now working in a middle school, all the many, many times I have heard that story, I still think of that night with Mary Jane, Laurie and me in the pool area of her family’s back yard, with only a chain link fence separating us from the Linwood Cemetery. As scared as I was, it’s such a great memory. Another was the night she let us watch the story of Lizzie Borden, again, scaring me half to death and after that night, MJ, Michael, Paul & I would spend many Saturdays at the Button Woods Museum, where Mr. Holmes (the owner I believe) would tell us all kinds of stories, some real, some exaggerated, I didn’t know the difference back then. Of course the one I wanted to see and hear every time I was there, was that of Lizzie Borden. He had a dress there that he said was hers, an axe that was supposedly the one she used to give her mother 40 whacks and her father 41. He even had a human skull with a big crack in it and he told us it was Lizzie Borden’s dad’s head, but some time later he slipped up and told us it was George Washington’s and another time he said it was Daniel Boone, I never did find out whose skull it was, or if it was that of a famous person. Laurie also taught me how to make Christmas trees out of old tv guides, but one of my most favorite childhood memories with her was going to the front of the “old cemetery” at the bottom of our street, to a huge chestnut tree. We would put a bunch of chestnuts in a Demoula’s paper bag and bring that back to her house. I remember covering my Aunt Pauline’s dining room table with newspapers and spreading the chestnuts out. Some of the chestnuts were still in the natural casing, which was green and spiky. I thought it was so cool to tear the rind off and get the beautiful, shiny, brown chestnut out. She cut out circles from cardboard, I think we also used paper plates, and she showed us how to build a 3D chestnut Christmas tree, like a pyramid with each circle getting smaller as it got closer to the top, ending with one on top. Then we would put Elmer’s glue all over it and sprinkle it with glitter. To me, being a little kid, I thought it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. She also collected pretty fall leaves with me and we put them between wax paper and she ironed them. I truly believe it was the chestnut Christmas tree, that developed my love for crafts, which has since been a life long thing for me. It’s quite possible that the chestnut craft and the wax paper craft is the reason that fall is my favorite season as well.

My love for my cousin Laurie has also followed me into my adulthood. We don’t see each other as often as I’d like, our busy lives get in the way. But when we do, we always enjoy a few drinks and we always end up laughing about many things, being memories of the past or things in our present life we may share with each other. Right now she is in Florida, taking care of my Aunt Pauline (her mom) and taking care of business after the death of her dad. I wish I could be there to help her now, I’m sure all she is dealing with isn’t easy.

Maybe when she reads this little trip down memory lane, it will bring a smile to her face, make her laugh or at least give her a little respite from the task she is dealing with right now.

Thank you Laur for helping me create some of the best memories of my childhood, they truly mean so much.

I am so glad that God blessed me with you for a cousin. I love you!