How do some people live with themselves?


 During my lifetime, I have had much heartbreak and have witnessed a lot of dysfunction within my own family, but the love has always prevailed and we have managed to come together whenever we need each other. I am a forgiving person and although sometimes difficult, because of pain inflicted, it has been hard to forgive, but over time, God softens my heart and the forgiveness comes. What I find even more difficult though is to forgive those who intentionally hurt and disrespect those I love. This is what I am feeling now. Watching my husband grieve the death of his mother is really hard, but watching his family kick him when he’s down, not only infuriates me, but it also saddens me that he is hurting. As Ben Franklin said “In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes”. We know death will happen and it’s sad for us who are left behind but the grieving is so much harder when those in charge disrespect the dead by not honoring their wishes. 

Last week was hard enough, when my husband’s mother was admitted (conscious & alert) into a local hospital between Monday night and the wee hours of Tuesday morning. On Wednesday at 11:20 pm, we got a phone call from 900 miles away, telling us of her admission and condition. At this point, Mike’s mom was heavily medicated and was barely conscious. By the time we were able to get there, at 6 am Thursday morning. She squeezed our hands and opened her eyes briefly, but it seemed she looked right through us. In my opinion, Mike (or we) were robbed of those precious last hours, when she was still coherent all because of the selfishness of his family.

Mom passed on Sunday, August 18th at 7:22 pm from what we were told. Mike’s sister informed him at 8:43 pm. We are now on day 4 since her death. Nobody in his family has contacted him. He texted his sister two days ago, and she has still not responded. His oldest brother who is supposedly in charge, has not contacted him or included him in the plans whatsoever. We have had friends and other family members reach out, wanting to know of the plans for her services and we haven’t known what to tell them. Today Mike called the funeral home, sadly it is the only way for him to find out what and when the services will be. He found out that there will be no services, only a private viewing. This on top of everything else is breaking his heart even further because her postmortem wishes are not being honored and there is nothing he can do about it.

 Jeannette (Mike’s mom) was specific in her last wishes. She wanted a full wake/viewing, she wanted to be clothed in her red dress and she wanted a Catholic Mass. The money for what she wanted was provided as a gift years ago from the nuns she worked for. It was a benefit for her years of employment, to be used for services in the event of her death. If there was any money left over, it was to be split between her children. Needless to say, very little of that money will be used because there are no services. What money is left will surely only be taken by one of her 5 remaining children and 1 of her 10 grandchildren. Mike and I don’t care about money, we’d be willing to use what would have been meant for us, to give her the services she wanted and deserves. I just don’t understand how some people can live with the choices they make.

So here I am, reminding myself of the scripture (Matthew 18:21-22) when Jesus said to forgive seventy times seven. Right now as I watch my husband just going through the motions of his day and periodically spilling tears down his face, I am struggling with forgiveness. So my friends and family, If you are reading this latest blog entry, I ask you to please pray for Mike’s grief and all the many other emotions surrounding all the fore mentioned. Please pray that both he and I will eventually have hearts of forgiveness because we know that as Christians, that is what is required of us. Please pray that his family come to know God in a personal way, because until that happens, their selfish, spiteful and cold hearts will never change.

Also, if you are one of the many who have reached out to Mike or me, expressing your wanting to pay respects to his mom, we are sorry that you too are being robbed of that opportunity. Please feel free to reach out to Mike via phone calls, fb , or a visit, our door is always opened and he truly could use the love and support of his friends right now.

Thanks for reading & God bless.

To Mom (Jeannette), we are sorry! We love you and we will miss you until we meet again. ❤️

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