Does anyone fight for their marriage anymore?

 I’ve been thinking a lot about what commitment means in a marriage. Almost every day whether it be on Face Book, in the media, at work or wherever, I hear of people breaking up. It makes me wonder if anyone  ever fights for their marriage anymore. Is it really that easy to just quit? I understand that many people don’t read their bible or have a relationship with God, therefore their marriage is not built on a solid foundation so in that case in my opinion, it is bound to fail, but what about the vows these people took? Were they just words to get through the ceremony? Did these people really think about what their vows meant before they entered into them? The Bible says the only cause for divorce is due to infidelity/sexual immorality. 

A study showed that in 2023 approximately 35-50% of first marriages end (mine did), second marriages face an even higher likelihood of ending in divorce ranging from 60-70% or more.  (www.petrellilaw.com).

I too am a divorcee from my first marriage, many factors played a role in the break down of that marriage including very young age, immaturity of both parties, and other things which exonerate the divorce by the reason scripture says is acceptable. 

I am now thirty years into my second marriage. We have faced and continue to face many challenges. In the beginning years our biggest issues were my husband adjusting to being a step parent. He often lacked patience and had no example of a father in his own childhood other than a few years with a good step father and his mother, although present and a hard worker, was not a good example in parenting either. Needless to say, some of these factors played a role in the way he was as a dad to my girls (from my first marriage) which caused a lot of fighting between us. I also am not blameless, I often thought of throwing in the towel. I still to this day question if staying in the relationship when it was unhealthy was what I should have done. As I mentioned, the Bible says infidelity is the only reason to divorce and I know physically, we were faithful to each other. However, I know damage was done (mentally) to my girls and that still hurts me today, because I know memories of that time hurt them. I struggle with this because I know I am resented. I have apologized but I can’t go back and fix it. I do feel I have gotten better with age and have been a very supportive and loving parent and I just hope that is enough for me to be forgiven. Going through that season in our marriage, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t often think about leaving and filing for a divorce, In the midst of this chaotic life, my husband got diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis. Although I still had thoughts of leaving, I stayed out of obligation. I prayed, a lot and I felt God wanted me to hang on and keep fighting for our relationship. “In sickness & in health” continually invaded my thoughts. Things continued to spiral, he could no longer work, just when we were getting ahead financially and were getting closer to buying a better home, a real house (we lived in a dilapidated mobile home), what little money we had saved, was gone because we were down to one income. Through the years it has been very hard, me working 2-3 jobs, raising our kids, worrying about his diagnosis and all the things it has affected since (heart, kidneys, posture, blood pressure, lungs, eyes, bodily functions etc). Although life has been the opposite of what we had planned, we have always focused on our blessings rather than our burdens. We struggled, but God was with us even in the thick of it. We didn’t get the house we had wanted, but we did get a stronger, more sturdy mobile home and it has provided us a safe home. He has continually provided and blessed us in too many ways to count. The biggest blessing is that our marriage turned around. Mike became a better and more humble dad to all of our kids and he loves nothing more than being a “Grumpy” (grandfather). I learned to love him again and I am blessed to be married to one of my best friends. Things are still not easy. I still have many days where I feel slighted, resentful, angry and sad for all that we have lost. It bothers me that he is so consumed with his pain that he neglects my feelings, when he once was so thoughtful and loving. We still have times and situations that down right suck, but God is still with us, still blessing us. Even though I often refer to us as roommates, I am truly so grateful that he is still alive, when his prognosis years ago was so discouraging. This year we reached the milestone of 30 years married in January, in February I unexpectedly got very sick and almost died, that slow recovery continued into March. I am still battling with chronic anemia which causes me to be tired all the time. Many days take a lot of effort to just make it through the work day. The constant medical tests and still no answers are frustrating. Grieving my mother who died 7 months ago has been a heavy burden. All of these things impact our marriage, but every day we continue to fight for it. Every day is a new day to commit again. I haven’t found a scripture yet that gives me permission to divorce him because he’s losing his hearing and won’t do anything about it, so again I will repeat “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13.

Point is we all have trials and tribulations but we shouldn’t take the easy road of just walking out on a commitment. I really think the lack of fight in many of us contributes largely on many of the children of today who seem to have no work ethic, who are lackadaisical, who lack empathy and self control. 

I just hope anyone reading this will get something out of it. Truly give 100% effort to your relationship before just breaking up. Most importantly, if you haven’t already, invite God into your life and your marriage. He won’t make it easy or perfect for us, we will still have trials, but he will give us the strength to get through them. He will open our eyes to the blessings and the positives. Think of a piece of carbon that is subjected to tremendous pressure and heat, bonding carbon atoms together and they become a precious diamond. Our marriages too can withstand a lot of heat and pressure and become a beautiful thing. Don’t give up. Your marriage is worth the fight and it too can be a precious gem.