Relationships, Toxicity & Boundaries


 Toxicity is like cancer, it starts small and continues to grow, without treatment, it will spread until it sucks the life right out of you. This is how it feels to be in an unhealthy relationship. This doesn't always mean a romantic relationship, this could be any relationship between husband & wife, partners, parent and adult child, inlaws, siblings, friends, coworkers, or anyone. 

As a Christian, I know that God wants us to forgive others as he has forgiven us. Matthew 6:14-15 says If we don't forgive others, Jesus cannot forgive us. 

Matthew 18: 21-22 says to forgive an infinite number of times without limits.

Forgiveness won't fix another person's character, it is more like a medicine of sorts to protect our hearts from bitterness. I have learned that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same things. We can forgive even if another person's behavior continues to be toxic. Reconciliation requires both parties to repent, forgive and communicate honestly. Once trust is broken, it takes a very long time to rebuild it and sometimes the trust never is able to be rebuilt, especially in the case of the negative or toxic behavior being repeated. As I previously stated, I need to forgive an infinite amount of times but reconciliation is not wise. Boundaries are important for our own protection.

Stress is not good for even the healthiest of people, but having a chronically ill husband with an already compromised immune system, stress can really wreak havoc on him. Especially when it's inflicted by someone he cares about. Stress often contributes to heart disease, diabetes, obesity, hypertension, fatigue, muscle aches, chest pain, and insomnia, all things he already suffers from. 

It's not easy to cut ties with those you care about, but sometimes it's necessary to accept the reality that you can't change them, you can only change the way you react to them. If these harmful behaviors never change, or only change for periods of time but always return, it is important for one's own physical and mental health to sever the ties.

Personally, I have always tried to see the best in people and hope that with age, wisdom, experience, and most importantly, God, a person will change and a healthy relationship will emerge. I will never lose hope because I know that with God, all things are possible, but I will trust my instincts, my gut feelings, and the gift of discernment that I believe God has given me. 

Another scripture I am reflecting on:

Proverbs 14: 7-8 Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. The wisdom of the prudent is to discern his way, but the folly of fools is deceiving.




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