As I posted on Friday, Mike’s dialysis fistula placement surgery went well. He had a bit of a tough weekend. Dialysis on Saturday was a bit rough between the fatigue and pain from the surgery the day before. We are grateful it all went well though, a step in the right direction. But, in true Mike fashion, it’s one step up and two steps back. On Saturday we got notice from Lahey Clinic saying that Mike will not be put on the kidney transplant list at this time, as we suspected but it’s still disappointing. After all the tests he went through, his team of doctors determined that he is too high risk at this time and would more than likely, not survive the surgery. He is still considered fragile and has to continue to gain some strength back as well as get his broken back fixed. They will retest everything and reassess in January.  We will not give up, we still trust God’s plans for us no matter what they are. The winds have changed a bit so we must adjust the sails. With school...

  At 10:22 am, I was walking down the hallway of the middle school and I felt my phone vibrate, I looked at the screen and it said “Portsmouth Hospital.”, I quickly slid into a booth in front of the school cafeteria. Finally, the call I had been waiting for. Mike’s doctor introduced himself and said “he’s out of surgery and it went smoothly.” He continued with the post-op instructions and what recovery should look like. When I hung up the phone, I just sat there for a minute, I didn’t cry, I just sat still for a moment feeling the weight of the morning, the anxiety and the worst case scenerios that flooded my thoughts, and the prayers I had said that flushed the negative thoughts away. I could finally breathe. In the same instance of feeling relief, the adrenaline that kept me going through the motions, and getting my work done, seemed to leave my body when I finally exhaled. Pure exhaustion hit every limb, my eye lids just wanted to close. I only had a few more hours to push throu...

  Today I am sitting here at work, in class with my student but my mind is elsewhere. Mike is in surgery this morning, to get the dialysis fistula in his arm. It is normally a fairly minor surgery, but with all of Mike’s health issues, nothing in minor. It’s usually a “day surgery” but the nurse already told him he may have to stay over night.  I’m going through the motions of my job but inside, I feel like I’m holding my breath. I keep refreshing my phone and checking the clock and the minutes seem to be going backward. There’s a guilt that comes with not being in the waiting room, to be there when he wakes up, but due to all his health issues, I have used up all my sick time, I couldn’t afford to stay out another day. I am not usually one to be anxious. I do trust God’s plan, but sometimes, the thoughts and anxiety, sneak in and steal my focus and peace. Realistically, I know I shouldn’t feel guilty, I know I am doing what I need to do, but I can’t help my racing thoughts: s...

  I have decided to write a little blurb to clear a few things up about my blog. First and foremost, I appreciate your feedback back or connections on the things I write about. It’s nice to know we are not alone in this world. On the other hand, I have had one person copy and paste and/or screen shot my blog and share it with others that are not my “friends” purely to cause drama. I have heard through the grapevine that some coworkers were offended by one of my blog posts, which is kind of comical to me. None of my posts are to intentionally offend anyone, but if they do, rather than talking about it with others, if you think it’s about you, ask me, I’d gladly sit down and talk like the adults that we are. The funniest part about it is the one who appeared to be most offended, it wasn’t even about. What she was offended about was a general statement that was referring to several people over the span of 23 years of working in special education and the best part was, I wasn’t referri...

Maybe it’s because the first anniversary is quickly approaching, but I’ve been thinking about my mother in law Jeannette more than usual lately. I think about what a sad life she had and how her memory is still being disrespected by some of her family.  I am glad for the last few years of her life, she was able to reconcile with some and build stronger relationships. I do believe in the end she truly realized who loved her and wanted what was best for her and who used her for personal gain.  I think back to when I met her, our first encounters were fairly positive but I was quite surprised at how mean she was at times. She was abrupt and often rude. She was a very angry woman. Over the years, I had heard from Mike and some of his siblings, of her tough and abusive parenting methods. I had a hard time for a while getting close to her, she certainly didn’t make it easy. I understood why some of her children were still able to love her, because I too came from an abusive home an...